Cutting to the chase, it was a losing year. That's fine, every player good or bad will experience this at some point and I was somewhat expecting this, in fact I'm surprised it hadn't happened before now. The good news is that the loss over all is very small (<£1000) so in the grand scheme of things it's absolutely nothing and I can happily live with that aspect... the bottom line isn't a problem.
However there is a bigger problem, a problem that has been niggling away at me for the last 18 months or so. The problem is confidence. Confidence is a massive part of Poker and the ability to trust in your gut instinct and your experience despite of what the results reflect is vital part of any serious player's game.
For me, this used to be one of the strongest parts of my game but unfortunately it's become of my weakest. The sheer amount of doubt in my mind when I come up across standard situations, or beats or disappointments is making me question very simple parts of my game. The reason for this I believe is due to the lack of games I get to play currently.
Since moving to the Isle of Man, I've all but retired from playing Online. Not being able to play on Stars or Tilt has pretty much rendered my interest in online Poker as completely dormant. I'll occasionally get online to play a few satellites but that's the extend of my interest. Live Poker has also suffered through the lack of selection available, I can't hop in a car and go to DtD or another non-distant road trip, I simply must make major travel to play.
We do have a local tournament here once a week, however the structures are poor and a lack of results in these also have affected my confidence. So when you wait only several times a year to play and then subsequently perform badly, it very much has confounded the problem for me. Recent trips to Dublin and Las Vegas have seen me come up short, not significantly but the prospect of losing in games I'm used to great success in is very frustrating.
As the lack of results prolong this has then even affected my desire to play, even when a world class Poker event landed on my doorstep. That's right, finally the Isle of Man welcomed a big time event onto our shores in the form of the inaugural UKIPT - Isle of Man, a beautiful event with affordable high-level Poker tournaments.
It's fair to say that I was excited by the prospect of playing in a big tournament series and not having to stay in a hotel or travel afar, however when the time came I was far from enthusiastic. I'd put aside a roll to play 4 or 5 events, deliberately skipping the main-event as it was pricey and I was out of practice. However I only got around to playing 2 events before I started to fear that I'd simply be wasting the remainder of my bankroll and decided to not play any further events.
I wasn't enjoying the experience when I should have been revelling in it and for the first time in my life I have to admit I'd become 'scared money'. Yep, I said it... the prospect of losing money rather than the excitement of winning money had completely overcome me. So for the sake of my sanity I sat out whilst my friends and colleagues revelled in the glory of deep runs and playing against PokerStars sponsored pros and playing for significant 5-figure prizes.
I'm glad I did it. I think I'd be sitting here a couple of grand lighter and feeling very sorry for myself, whereas I'm actually quite optimistic for 2014. Im eyeing up The Irish Open, Stoke GPS, another UKIPT on the island and at some point a Vegas trip to get back on the ball. I'll keep my expectations realistic as I'm rusty and in poor form, but my Poker theory is as good as ever. I just need a bit of run good and a little motivation to set things right.
Fingers crossed I can get back to winning ways and make 2014 a big year in Poker for me, it's been a while but I'm ready to grind again...
M.
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